School results and Suicides - an alarming trend

Trends on Tuesday

And the boy tied a belt around his neck, latched the other end on a fan and kicked the chair beneath him.... She ran up to the terrace of her building, looked back one last time and jumped.

No, these are not endings of a set of Gus Van Sant movies. These are alarming trends facing the urban youth of today in a super competitive India. A few years ago, when we were in school, suicides soon after results were unheard of. But now, we have suicide helplines, huge long winded articles in major newspapers, and even shows on TV that try to counsel kids against taking that drastic step.

When did such a dire situation come about and why? Peer pressure to perform is perhaps one of the biggest reasons. Yeah, almost all of us know that peer pressure is the cause of practically all problems facing the youth. But why do some succumb to peer pressure and some others don't? The answer may not be too obvious, but somewhere the stress that people lay on academics and their importance in lives is perhaps key. For instance, in some houses, people tell the kids to work hard. But a few slip ups here and there are perhaps forgotten. In some other households, the pressure to perform is very high. Somehow, the impressionable minds are given the view that if they do not score those 99% marks, their lives are finished. Well, fear is a good tactic to get human beings to work. But somewhere, in kids, the fear has to be offset as well. Which unfortunately isn't happening.

If we delve deeper, the issue can also be with the education infrastructure. Too few opportunities for too many people. Few seats in the IITs. Few really good colleges. add to it the seats eroded due to reservation and kids have precious few opportunities. And academic lineage does matter while getting into universities abroad or even into premier schools in India. The kids really at risk are not the average or below average ones, for they manage to do something or nothing at all. The kids at risk are the ones a notch below the best. The ones who fall in the 'just missed' category, who set their goals on the best and fall into despair when they miss. So the issue is complex and the resolution perhaps lies in proper counselling and hand holding services, not just for kids but for their families as well. Somewhere someone needs to tell the super moms and super dads that it is ok to fail once in a while. For with every fall comes the effort to rise again and that effort builds a true human being.

But till then, the spate of suicides and botched suicide attempts soon after school exam results is a scary trend. It really is insane, for a 16 year old who is considered too immature to vote or buy alcohol or even drive, decides that a few low marks in an exam have the capacity to break his/ her life! It is a very gory foreboding of future trends that need to be checked before it is too late. India has a young working population to look up to in the future. The last thing we need is our competitive nature getting the better of us.

Cell phone providers and me - the story gets more interesting...

Call centers and I are actually jinxed. But of late, I have realized that I have turned into some sort of a call center junkie! I really seem to dig calling up all these customer service 'exectives'. No.. No spelling error, this is how they say the word executive!

Now, if you really thought I was some kind of whacko like the kid who made some 25-odd calls to a Mumbai IT firm talking about a terror threat, I AM NOTHING LIKE THAT. Given a choice I'd prefer curling up with a book and a coffee, and maybe put in an occasional piece of writing, but to obtain that kind of an idyllic lifestyle, some basic gnawing issues need to be sorted out. One would have to be completion of pending tasks and the other would have to be smoothing out things that impact our daily life!

As profound as these may sound (I choose to call these 'discoveries' profound, since of late my life has lost all semblance of profundity, as my life now revolves around the mundane. So I wish to extract the most out of whatever it is that presents itself to me!). So, as profound as my discoveries may sound, for me to get to my end goal of an idle lifestyle, I figured I needed to interact with the highly annoying IVR of everyone who has anything to do with my life.

So, it all began with a cellular service provider heretofore referred to as the thought guys. The other day, as I sat cheering Mumbai Indians, I got a message on my cellphone that I had just finished interacting with a certain XYZ. All is ok with that, except that I had no clue who XYZ was. Suddenly the theme music of Karthik calling Karthik came into my head. Was I turning into a schizophrenic? Or was I suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder? Two of me using that one cell phone of mine? Intense! And then I started the hunt for the other me.

As usual, I called our friend 'Customer Service'. As before, several attempts met with the dead end. Multilingual repetitive messages later, all the while wondering who XYZ was, and worse, who XYZ's friend was who managed to talk to XYZ through my number, I hit the dead tone. Again and again and again. The reason behind my paranoia, was the fact that earlier, with the wind guys, I had had an experience ,as you perhaps might remember, with someone else answering when my number was called. So, I persevered. Tried over and over again, till finally, someone answered.

I explained my issue, and the person there said, "Madam, you got that message because you interacted with XYZ".

"But I don't know an XYZ"

"I understand madam, but you interacted with XYZ"

"I was watching the match and taking a nap before that. So how could I have called someone I didn't know?"

"No madam, that message is because you interacted with XYZ"

At this point, I got exasperated and demanded to speak to the floor manager.

"Madam, no use. He will also say the same thing!"

I was sincerely stumped. I was tempted to say, "Let him tell me the same thing himself!!!" But instead, I kept my temper in check and asked again to talk to his manager. The poor chap was pissed, but he put me through nonetheless.

This chap, thankfully knew his stuff and then the mystery was solved. This happened in a characteristic whodunnit manner. The floor manager, after the customary apologies that looked more rehearsed than ever, said that the message had come as a missed call alert. XYZ was the customer care person who had tried calling me a while back to try and disconnect my connection that I had spoken about previously.

At the end of this whole roundabout, convoluted story, though I was nowhere close to disconnecting that connection, I was relieved that I was at least proven to not be schizophrenic!!! See everything has a happy ending!!!!!

Me and cellphone providers -a saga of frustration

A while back I'd put up a post on a super annoying incident I once had with my lost sim card. I had tried to make a joke out of it since I was done being angry about it and clearly being angry about the incident did nothing for me. I found no redemption whatsoever. That account, for those who perhaps missed it is here - 'My run in with the wind guys'.

I would perhaps have let it go, except for the fact that this time around, I was again at the receiving end of painful customer service from another cellular services provider. So the wind guys frustrated me and made me swear never to use them again. (Ages ago, when I first started using cellular services hidden costs of the 'wind' guys cost me 3 months' pocket money. Yet, wiser and with a keener eye for fine print, I adopted them again only to be made to run and beg and scream when I lost my phone.) Nevertheless, now we talk of the 'thought' guys. So on a rebound from the 'wind' guys I ran into the open arms of the 'thought' guy. Thinking newer entrants would be more keen to provide sterling service.

Things were good for a while, till soon I realized that though business functions at the speed of thought, thought itself is rather sluggish. Other providers, at least the 'wind' guys, all else notwithstanding switched to international networks instantaneously. Yeah, a call would cost a bomb, but at least the service was available. But the thought guys were not like that. While in an alien country with sky-rocketing crime rates, when people back home were anxious over the safety of my life and limbs, here I was desperately trying to get through to them and the mystic 3 lines signifying a network were absent. Yeah I had been spoilt by the 'wind' guys, and that was perhaps my folly. But they never said that that service would not be available. But then again, they never said that that service would be available either. Note to self - absence of a negation of something does not necessarily imply positivity of the same. Sound profound, right? Well, at least profundity is the outcome of my flustered moments!

Then came part 2. I had to discontinue a connection with the 'thought' guys. I looked up their site. No link. I called up a local call center. A highly annoying IVR yaps into my ear asking me to choose my language of preference. I do. But not before listening to the same statement being translated into the various languages. Other IVRs usually move to the next level as soon as you choose your option without making you wait to hear all the options. Makes life easy if you know the options or if your option comes earlier on. But here, no. I had to hear 'Hindi ke liye do dabayein' and 'Marathi saathi teen daaba' despite me ferociously hitting 1 for English. Then I navigated to all the other menus, chose my options went all the way till finally the IVR said that my call may be recorded for training. And then the line got cut. So 20 minutes and an annoying IVR voice later, nothing. Period. And I did the whole thing again, went the distance only to end up at the dead end again. And again. And again. I mailed the guys - No response. So though technology may be advanced, face-to-face screaming is an absolute necessity to get things done in India!

So the net result is - I guess I am jinxed with cellphone companies and customer service. So all my thoughts were blown away and starting tomorrow, I need to start trudging towards the physical thought place to get my job done. I wonder what howlarious account this is going to produce. Perhaps No, Na, Nein, Non - part 3??? Watch this space for more...

Invictus and Forgiveness

I happened to watch the movie Invictus the other day. It was a great movie indeed. Well, not only did it have amazing performances by Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman, but it also conveyed a lot about forgiveness. And as usual, it got me thinking. I know, I can hear you say, 'temme something new'.

There were two specific instances that caught my attention. One, when the rugby team which comprises almost only whites, except for one Native African is expected to sing the newly formed South African national anthem, which is not in Afrikaans - their usual language. And the second was when Matt Damon, the rugby team's skipper (or cappie as he's called) visits Mandela's cell in Robben Island and is appalled at the tiny living enclosure. Both these instances struck me for their ideas on forgiveness.

The Native Africans had been severely oppressed by Apartheid. And then after the struggle, they were suddenly to be treated as equals. They had been severely wronged, and in no less words, deserved an apology in kind, forever. A simple beginning was just the whites relinquishing their old Afrikaans anthem and embracing the new anthem that combined stanzas in Xhosa, Zulu, Sesotho, Afrikaans and English. This many found tough to do, but interestingly, in the movie, which is supposedly based on real life events, the rugby team doesn't just mouth the words, they sing along in the World Cup! And this in effect gave the whites a chance to be the 'bigger person'. Why? Because they needed to swallow their pride, realize their folly and take steps to make amends.

Now consider the second event - Mandela was locked up in a tiny cell on Robben Island for 27 years. Matt Damon's character remarks on the evening before the final match, that he was pensive not about the match but about how one person, who was locked up in such a tiny cell, could come out and forgive those that put him there. Here, we see another aspect of forgiveness. When a person is wronged, by another and the other person comes to apologize, the wronged person has two options. One - make a big deal out of it, and make the wrong-doer feel even more small. Or graciously accept the apology, forgive and move on. And as it turns out, the latter option actually is more deserving of respect!

So in a way, in any situation, both people have a chance to prove character. The wrongdoer can step up and show that she is ready to accept her follies and apologize and make amends. A wronged person can be the 'bigger person' by simply forgiving and letting go, by proving to the transgressor that she values the relationship more than any small incident. The tradeoff though is giving up on those few seconds of garnering importance from the wrongdoer and having the wrongdoer desperately seek you out, give you importance and try to make amends. At the end of the day, it is up to each person to decide what to do. It is a tough choice to make, but the choice has to be made!

And this need not be the case only in huge communal or racial tiffs. Take a simple story - One person (Anna) has hurt another (Beth) through some action or word. The aftermath has 2 options - One, Anna comes up and of her own apologizes, or two, Beth confronts her on the same. In the latter case, it is very easy to analyze the psychological underpinnings, and say that Anna acted the way she did because of whatever reason and so, the onus is on her to ensure that the relationship is repaired. In fact, Beth would come and confront Anna with the case, if and only if she felt that their relationship was strong enough to warrant a confrontation. Usually in very strong relationships, a confrontation does indeed happen wherein Beth tells Anna why she is hurt and Anna then has to make it up.

Now take case 1, which is a bit more complex. It depends here on how much one values the other. Maybe Anna values the relationship a lot and so wants to put to rest any possible cogitations that may be bothering Beth. So she goes ahead and clears the situation. Now Beth has two options again. One, she can be the bigger person and make Anna feel comfortable, and let the issue go. Or two, Beth can perhaps act up, and make a big issue out of the whole thing, and prove her ascendancy over Anna, and make her feel small and abashed.

Now, my take is, that Anna shows character by stepping up and clearing up the situation, and Beth shows more character by letting the issue go, but not after sufficient communication. The time when Beth acts up and tries to put down Anna, is where the whole situation gets a bit dicey, since it looks like an attempt to prove an already proven point and trying to push an already pushed down person further into the earth. And this many-a-time, doesn't help Beth's image in Anna's eyes. Perhaps Anna expects a good friend to want to make her comfortable, despite the transgression and expects some 'bigger person' behavior from Beth.

So everywhere, everyone has a choice to prove character. It is up to the person always whether she wants to accept the opportunity or let it go in favor of 15 seconds of fame!

3 cheers to collective human IQ

Today is momentous, since a 106 year old mathematical problem has been solved. The field of mathematics has somehow intrigued me all these years, since I associate math with the highest level of profundity. Physics and chemistry study tangible entities. Put a pellet of sodium into water and you will get sodium hydroxide, although accompanied by an explosion. Forces of attraction, in physics are measurable by finite formulae set forth by a genius who, ages ago was not hungry enough to eat an apple that fell on his head. But math is such that you see numbers, equations, an elegant sigma or an integration sign and these abstruse symbols hold together the foundations of everything known to mankind.

So, the Poincare conjecture is a concept floated in topology. The original statement in 1904 was - 'Consider a compact 3-dimensional manifold V without boundary. Is it possible that the fundamental group of V could be trivial, even though V is not homeomorphic to the 3-dimensional sphere?' In other words, consider a connected, 3 dimensional, finite sized, boundary-less space. Now, in this space consider loops, like rubber bands. If these rubber bands are slid down this space, thus continuously tightening them to a point, then the enclosed space is a three dimensional sphere! And Grigoriy Perelman proved that this is indeed the case. Alliteration, anyone? Poincare solved by Perelman! And why is this momentous? Well, there are 7 millennium problems, each carrying a million dollar award. Now there are just 6 more for the taking. Existential questions in the field of mathematics are slowly being solved, and somehow it makes me feel really proud that our human race is getting progressively sharper. Imagine, 106 years ago, a genius put forth a thought, a concept and 106 years and several mathematicians later, this has been proven! Collective human IQ has been proven to have been boosted by several 1000 points today!

What strikes me more starkly, is the fact that the problem has been solved by a genius who is perceived to be eccentric, and a recluse! Think Mozart, Van Gogh, Nikolai Gogol, Pushkin, Dostoyevsky - geniuses in their own right, consumed by a disillusion, overwhelmed by their talent that made them reclusive. Maybe it is something in their cognitive structure that makes all of civil society look trivial, as a mathematician would say. It is rather ironic that the world wished to fete a true genius for his brains and his commitment and contribution, and he who is supposed to be at the receiving end, sees the inherent worthlessness of the felicitation, since he is way beyond such temporal, trivial matters! And in a way, his respectability somehow shoots several notches higher!

I can't help but mention the movie 'Goodwill Hunting', which back then introduced me to the concept of the 'Field's medal', the equivalent of a Nobel in Math - there is no Nobel Prize for math, btw. Seemingly abstruse problems, in the movie, are solved by a genius janitor played by Matt Damon, who is simply brilliant, and lacks the gentility that goes with scholarship. And as happens in the movie, true genius shines through no matter what, and finds what it looks for. And the world that till then is too busy caught up in designing codes of conduct, sits up and takes notice when genius stands up and suddenly proves that societal mores and codes of conduct are the last things on its mind!

Int'l Women's Day 2010 - Does it really make any sense?

Last year my article was stark - talking about how women's liberation was miles away in India. And it's International Women's Day again - 10 years into the new millenium. Yet again, people are going ga-ga over the whole phenomenon of 'Women's day'. Facebook is full of status updates with people wishing their female friends a happy Women's day. Women themselves saying - 3 cheers to women empowerment and so on. Yes, we've come a long way. From being disenfranchised and restricted to the house, to running Fortune 500 companies, the woman has indeed come a long way. Texts and references nowadays, always refer to a pronoun as 'she' and never 'he'. I am not a ideologue. But I just feel that having one day to rejig our memories that women were once upon a time supressed and so need emancipation and liberation, according to me, speaks volumes about where we stand as regards gender equality. I am not a feminist. The very fact that I need to keep declaring that I am not a feminist, shows the disdain associated with espousing the cause of the woman! And all these factors really don't make me think that women are looked upon with equal respect as men, in today's world.

So, the topic of today in the news is the Women's 33% reservation bill in parliament. The timing honestly seems too coincidental. And as paranoid as I may sound, coincidence is one thing I don't really give too much credence to (Thank you Jason Bourne). So... now, move over minority religious communities, the target is the woman. As if what they have had to endure for so long has not been enough, the reservation in legislature bill is also dragged into the open. When I first heard about the bill, I was stumped, for in school I'd learned that 33% of seats are reserved for women. What I learned now, was that this bill sought to enforce the same across all levels of government. And I guess it is a step in the right direction.

In one of our visits to some parts of rural India for a project, we found that those local self government bodies that had ample representation of women, actually prospered. And there was an anthropological reason to this fact. Simple, the rural men were used to alcoholism, and the women were used to being exploited. Savings would be squandered on alcohol and the woman had to endure. The minute they found a presence in the Panchayat, law enforcement became possible. If the Sarpanch's wife was on the Panchayat as well, the women had a powerful ear to listen to them. Education was being supported, development was coming through. The model has been tested and it works. Then why the disapproval of a formal law?

Why is 'equal opportunity for all genders' still so difficult to enforce? Why is talent not appreciated regardless of gender? If we can look at talent beyond economic status,why is gender still a bias? Why is the 'upper hand' of the man so insecure as to not want to allow the woman to shine through? These Whys have somehow never found an answer. Any woman who sets out to find an answer to these questions is branded a feminist. And a feminist tag carries with it the notion of an inherent bias and inherently biased voices are seldom if every heard!

The situation is poor. The woman has to be subservient even now. Granted family has requirements that are met only by the woman. But I personally feel that that is for the woman to decide. Whether she wants to work and manage a family, whether she wants to be a maid servant or an aaya at a school is for her to decide. Whether she wants to be a corporate honcho or a scientific researcher or a school teacher who can work at her kids' school is for her to decide.

Now this incident is truly ironic. Maid servants are tough to come by in Mumbai city. Especially the good ones. I happened to have a good maid servant who surprisingly showed some ethics towards work. AWOL was not in her vocabulary and that was great news for us! So, one day I got to talking to her, and she said that she had studied till grade 12. I asked her why she didn't go work in an office as a minor clerk or typist or any other role that would justify her literacy. She said in a plaid tone, that her husband did not want her to have a secure job. It's anybody's guess why her husband, a daily wage laborer did not want his comparatively more qualified wife to have a better 'social standing'. But she was happy that she was at least able to come to work and earn a living outside of the house. Then one day a couple of weeks ago, she stopped coming. When she finally came to collect her settlement money, her explanation was - 'My husband did not want me to go and work. He got a job as a contract laborer at a construction site for a whole year. He said that he was competent enough to support me and and that his house did not need a woman's income. So, I stopped coming.'

As long as this is the attitude towards women of all social strata, I guess all we'd do is put up messages on FB and wish each other a shallow happy Women's day. I still look forward to the March 8th, where the post on this blog would be cheerful and optimistic. Amen!

No, Na, Nein, Non - Part 2

So the last one talked about how people refused to say 'No'. This one is just the opposite, how everything led to the same answer - No. No. Not possible. Never. Non. Nein. Nyet. You get the point, right?

Now this happened to me in a retail shop.

I'd gone to buy something, but picked up something worth double the price, which had a similar packaging - the color of the bottle, the shape, the everything. And in my hurry, I picked it up, assumed a price hike and got out of there. As is my practice, I trashed the bill in the nearest bin and ran along home. After getting home, and arriving at a consumption occasion (pardon the usage, but that's how marketers measure product penetration. Did I just say consumption occasion and product penetration in one line??? Man, I need a vacation). So, when I got around to using the thing, I realized my error. After a few curses under my breath, I went back to the shop.

I said, " I am sorry, I picked up the wrong product yesterday. May I please return this?"

He said, " Bill madam"

I said, " I am sorry, I trashed it."

He said, "No madam. Bill needed madam."

I said, "But I came just yesterday late night. I was the last customer". Given the limited target area around that shop, just fewer than 600 of us shopped at that shop. And I remember my usual store guy back in Mumbai, who remembered us as regular customers, despite serving several hundreds of people each day. So, well, I used a typical statistical tool called 'extrapolation' and applied it to this situation. Note to self - Statistical tools look good only on research papers and Mickey Mouse scenarios used in research. Never in REAL LIFE.

He said, " No madam. Bill needed madam".

I said, "Oh. OK. But you have a computer system. You printed out my bill for me. So please check your past records. You have a product ID, a price paid, a date, everything."

He said, " No madam. Bill needed madam."

A gross lack of empathy. Zero customer focus, treating the customer like cattle, just like a cash register, whose hard earned money is reserved only to fill the coffers of the retailer. I was aghast. Despite being in an age of technology, which is supposed to make life easier, having databases which make searching simpler, records retrievable and preempt the reliance on shabby slips of paper, here I was, trying to convince this guy to shake off the traditional form of doing business and actually USE the technology he was happy scanning and punching numbers into. A couple of more minutes of listening to 'No madam, Bill needed madam', made me realize that my time and sanity were indeed worth a lot more, and it made no sense trying to beat sense into that poor chap on the other side of the counter.

Once bitten twice shy. This time, I went to buy something else, and after getting home, I realized that I had the exact same thing already. But discerning that I am, I had saved the bill. (In the otherwise empty wastepaper basket of my room, nevertheless). So armed with the bill off I marched to get back my money at least this time around.

I said, " Hi, I bought this yesterday. I don't need it. AND I HAVE THE BILL".

He said," Wait madam. I talk to manager".

I thought, "NOW WHAT!!!"

He came back. Looked at the bill.

I said again, " I need to return this. Please can I get a refund? Here is the bill"

He said, " No madam". Bells started shrieking in my head. I almost felt like exploding.

"Madam. Buy something else. No refund of cash."

And I wondered about the desperate attempt at making revenues. Ok, loyalty programs are good to hold on to the customer. But this is not retention, this is detention. I never liked such 'policies' which said 'No cash refund'. In fact several tiny guys use such lopsided policies to extend a vice-like grip on customers. And people who don't like pressure tactics detest such nefarious ways of holding a customer by the scruff of his neck. And I for sure would want to keep my interactions with such retailers to a minimum. Did that already with an apparel retailer. One more added to the list. For the marketing world - Customer is king. For some retailers though I am afraid 'Customer is cattle'...

No na nein non Part 1

Saying 'no' to someone almost certainly the most difficult thing for us to do. People have said that cultures play a role here and Japanese and Chinese perhaps never say no, because its impolite to say 'no' according to their cultures. But for me, I prefer the closure that comes with a no. At least I've cut out the expectation that goes with a 'non-no'. Unfortunately, those who interact with me, do not know this specific preference of mine! And as a result, the anecdotes are plenty. Here are some - The first in a trilogy :)

I lost my cell phone. Yes, sob sob. I loved my Moto, and I lost it. And with it went my sim. The service provider told me that once I'd blocked it, it would be defunct. So I began my expeditions to cancel my sim card. On every trip though, I was met by expressions that began with "WHAAAAAT???? YOU WANT TO CANCEL YOUR SIM CARD???? Oh no! My bonus is gone" and ended with, "Oh Lord, forgive her for she knows not what she does". And several trips and conversations at various octave levels later, I was told that my sim had been laid to rest. All was good with the world, when suddenly one day, a friend of mine said that a guy answered my phone! And that day I was at an all girls pajama party. No I am not telling you what happened at the party, but I was perplexed. The next day, another friend told me about a guy speaking some weird regional dialect when she called my number. And at this point, I went from perplexed to shocked. And the final straw on the camel's back came when my Jason Bourne instincts, made me call my own number. And instead of speaking to myself (don't laugh), I was talking to some guy!

That's it. I called customer service, expecting the issue to be resolved, only to learn that the piped music was 'never say noooooooooo'. So I called, and I waited, and while I was explaining my problem, they kept cutting me mid-sentence, to... tell me my problem!

'Ma'am, you have a number with us for so long.'

I wish I'd said (IWIS) - 'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally? I wonder why!!!' I said, "Yes, you see, I'd lost..."

'Ma'am you reported a lost sim card 2 days ago'

IWIS - 'Thank you for telling me, I had been hunting for it in my safety deposit box' I said," Yes, so the issue..."

'Ma'am, we've issued a new sim card and it has been operational since yesterday'

IWIS - 'Ah! indeed. I wonder who's cell phone I am calling from!!!' But by this time, I was a tad angry. Sensing my irritation, she quickly asked me what my problem was. I told her, and she gave me a complaint number and said that she'd revert. I let a day go, with newer reports of strange men receiving my phone calls.

The next day I called again, and the same process repeats, with a guy this time. And yes, I got a different complaint number. This went on, till one day, I said, "Can you or can you not help me?"

"Yes, ma'am, we can. Here is your complaint number".

"Enough of complaint numbers, connect me to your manager."

"I am sorry ma'am, but what would that be regarding?"

IWIS ' I want to ask him out you moron!!' I said, "I am frustrated with complaint numbers, and I want you to tell me whether you can solve my problem, yes or no."

"Yes ma'am. Our person is looking into it. Meanwhile, please note your COMPLAINT NUMBER"

And that was when I solved my problem with one simple message. With a boiling temper, I got to writing my message - 'Hey everyone, please note my new number ......'

My Avatar

Long long time ago; Well, not really that long ago, I'd put in a piece on the perils of social networking. Right here - 'The perils of the social network'.

Yup! FB is addictive. And with Buzz on Gmail, I guess I am a vociferous entity online, completely against the demure dame I am in real life. Ok, don't blame me, but demure dame seemed too good to resist writing! Anyway, on one of my thoughtful jaunts, which I somehow undertake only on FB, I posted a random thought - 'What have I turned into'. The responses were immediate. 'Crackpot', ' Caffeine-addicted thought centered maniac', 'human being', and so on. While I guffawed and grunted at these answers, what amazed me, was the ripple effect a single inane thought could trigger. And that is indeed the power of Web 2.0, as it is called. Within minutes news spreads, the feedback is immediate, almost, and the collaborative effect is huge.

But this same thought also made me think again. Yeah, I do nothing else but think! So, I'd just recently seen the movie Avatar, and the concept of a man telebonding with his blue Navi Avatar was cool. But interestingly, we're all doing the same thing. One human being has numerous Avatars. One on Orkut, one on Facebook, one on Blogger, one on twitter, one on Flickr, one on Picasa. Sometimes, they're all one avatar. But many-a-time, since these avatars are not created concurrently, they are all different, and also have privacy rules set such that specific target audiences alone get to see em! Oh yeah! I am many Navi people :)

All this is great. Jason Bourne has 5 passports, and I have 5 identities online. But there have to be flip sides right? Like Bourne has the passports and cash, but no memory and a Carlos/ Stepan Spalko/ Fadi in hot pursuit. So, social networking, while great has one major flip. And that is the fact that this cuts out real social bonding. And the funniest thing happened to me some time back. I got an FB friend request from this chap in my class. I knew his face, but we'd never really interacted. And now, I was in a fix. If I'd ignored the request, I'd look like a conceited snob. If I accepted, well, how could I, I didn't really know him! But then, out of guilt at not being more socially active in trying to know everyone around me, I accepted the request. And then, Tadaaaa..... the next day, I went to get myself a coffee, and this chap walked right in front of me. I smiled, a big smile of recognition, of friendship, of long lost kinship, of.. ok, you get the point. And what happened next, made me, rather makes me want to go jump off into that water body behind the chai wali tapri. (More on chaai wali tapri later, right now, focus on big picture please). So, as I flashed my 1000 watt smile, this guy, my newly added friend on FB, gave me a puzzled, perplexed look. A look that said in no less words, 'DO I KNOW YOU?????'

And that is where the perils of the social network came crashing down on me. I decided, 'No more conscience/ guilt driven social networking. For me, Facebook shall no longer remain just my book of FACES. Before accepting a friend request, I will ensure I say one real HI to the target first and then Facebook him/ her. At least I can prevent jumping off into a smelly water body and getting drenched up to the ankles!

I read somewhere, that people were moving from emails to Twitter. And I thought. Wow! From the Greek running messengers to pigeons, to smoke signals, to post, courier and email. And when emails started, people lamented the fact that handwriting grew murkier by the day. The emotion that manifests itself in the written hand, suddenly was lost. And now, we are moving from the written word to the Twittered word. So, I guess v nd 2 b prepped 2 read msgs dat luk like German txts or Hebrew codes, going fwd. I can only imagine how bful all dis wld luk n only wish my English teacher cld c how gr8 my riting skills r in dis currnt mode of comm.

To be or what to be

People keep saying that you need to be different. Stand out from the crowd. Everyone is special and different. Follow your dreams to make your mark in the world. And so on and so forth. And all through life, we go on, believing that we are indeed the next best thing after penicillin. Well, elders would say, no harm in igniting a fire within the generation to go ahead and achieve their goals. And I agree. No harm done in letting us go on with stars in our eyes. Harm is done only when these stars end up becoming shooting stars! Red giant to a white dwarf indeed!

So what is the whole deal about having to be different? Standing out from the crowd that everyone touts all the time. Does it make sense? Well, diversity can perhaps take one to Harvard - like in the movie Legally Blonde maybe. But in life, this diversity comes to sting one back. You are so different from the typical mould, that others don't know where to fit you! And from being a model prototype, you become the outcast, the atypical! And that definitely hurts.

But take the other view. People can't cast you into any of their pre-decided moulds. They expect you to change. Change who you are, how you act, who you deal with, change everything. Project what you are in a way that appeals to others, in a way that others want to see you. That hurts all the more. Why? Because you are in a way shedding what you are, and you are turning into something you have no clue about. And in all probability, you will end up being neither yourself, nor what others want you to be, but rather a weird half-baked concoction that dangles somewhere in between. And that is certainly not very nice.

But what is wrong in being yourself? Why adhere to peer-created mores? Why be politically correct and refrain from calling a spade a spade? The answer is simple. No man is an island. You are what you are perceived to be. And you will be perceived only if others like what they perceive. I know, it is a bit circular in reasoning, but think about it. If being me is so contrary to what others perceive, then it's a sign that what I am is perhaps not as liked by others. And individuality to the extent of being loathed is definitely not what even the most individualistic, self-willed person would want.

So, till society exists, duplicity in all its forms, will perhaps persist. Perhaps that is why behavior is a science, complete with hypotheses, findings, conclusions and underlying principles.

I feel bad for...

A few of my favorite things would probably align a lot with raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. So here is a list of things I won't say I don't like, but rather things I feel bad for. To a large extent, I guess my list will have bits and pieces from each of your lists as well. So here goes.

1. I feel bad for the ignorant. Now, people may say that ignorance is bliss. But I guess people who don't know, lose out on the pleasures of knowing. For example, people who associate the color red with just a Coke salesperson, for lack of knowledge of anything like a Ferrari, or Manchester United or Michael Schumacher - well, I feel bad that their gamut of knowledge is quite contrived, and they lose out on phenomena like Man U in Old Trafford or Tifosi.


2. I feel bad for those who are idea maniacs. Well, their genius as regards coming up with ideas is phenomenal. But many a time, they take the stance of the trigger happy shooter. If you come up with something, they are the first to shoot it down. 'So what is the alternative?', you ask. 'I don't know, but certainly not what you churned out', comes the reply. Why feel bad for them? I guess because they sure will find it hard when they meet another of their species!


3. I feel bad for those who borrow things and lose them. And I'm sure you've had cases through school and college, where someone in a hurry borrows your pen and your favorite Cross is what you have on you. You lend it with a high degree of reluctance and wait and watch for the person to return it, when suddenly he says, "Oops! I guess I left it at the counter. Sorry", and walks off. Similar is the case of the person who borrows your favorite book and returns a book with dog-eared mangled pages. Why feel bad for them? Well, simply because of their gross lack of sensitivity and because of their callousness towards dealing with others.


4. I feel bad for the egoistic, successful person. One who believes he/she is invincible, just because he/she has achieved the elements of his/her task list. Why? Simply because they are dealt the highest level of hypocrisy. Everyone around them basks in their glory, desperately wants to be associated with them, acts as if they are the person's true friends. But in reality, all these emotions manifest themselves up until the time that the emotion can bring about a worthy use.


5. And last, but not the least, I feel bad for one who puts up with the above types of people, without raising so much as a finger of protest when any of their actions wrong them. Why? Because they are just too simple for this dog-eat-dog world, and they sincerely need to go on a treasure hunt to find their lost self esteem.

That's it. It is indeed a small list, unlike my lists of random thoughts, or Whys. Thank God for that, since a longer list may have meant more ruffled feathers! This post may have been a bit rough and acerbic. But these are just thoughts. Think about it, and you may realize that you run a similar list as well.

Quick and dirty? I guess not...

So yesterday's post was all on how I'd like the GMAT life - quick, no waiting, life in perpetual motion. The more I think about how life is these days, I guess we are indeed inching towards that end goal.

Till a few decades ago, books and fiction had Great Expectations from the Mayor of Casterbridge or Tess of the D'urbervilles, where descriptions of the context covered more than half the book. Stories were replete with maps, descriptions of the perfect evenings, or detailed descriptions of a lady's beauty, ending with a strong line like 'Estella was between pretty and beautiful'! Short stories were so short that a 500 page tome typically housed 6 stories! I can understand the motivations behind the voluminous mode of writing back then! They were the dark ages, and unlike the days of today, people truly had precious little to do!

And then the Chase era began. The race against time and a villain to reach the truth. James Hadley Chase, Erle Stanley Gardner (maybe it was the fact that they all had 3 words in their names, that made them write crisper!). But that era pushed the erstwhile granddaddies of fiction into the hall of fame called 'literature'. A dusty corner of huge school libraries (where only the bold literature graduates dared to venture into) was dedicated to those who created the genre called fiction.

But even that got too slow, and Arthur Hailey and Robert Ludlum made their grand entry. Hailey and Ludlum, had a following, and they became 'thinking writers' - it took one some cogitative effort to fathom the plot, but the die-hard loyalists never left their side. For a while they caught the peoples' fancy, till a certain Mr. Sheldon made his foray into fiction. After that, speedy, crisp, page-turning writing became the flavor of the season.

Take cricket for instance. I know of cricket fans who to date spend their winter holidays watching the Boxing Day test match! But the proportion of such fans has since come down tremendously. At a point of time a decade ago, people spent hours watching a one-day series. Great duels were set as day-and-night matches to draw bigger crowds. Then came twenty20. If one can see 2 matches (4 teams) on one day, why spend time watching 50 overs per team? There is only so much a team can do, and what they can't achieve in 20 overs, they can't achieve in 50 overs, became the belief. Short and crisp was the mantra here as well!

Now I wonder how far this can go. Can it go the way we used to play cricket as kids? One over per team - since all of us used to want to bat (and only one kid used to bring the bat to the game)? That sure can be fun to watch, although unless the teams dressed in sharp contrasts like say red teams and blue teams, the viewer would be stumped! English country decorum of white cricket uniforms would have to go out the window! As for books - Shakespeare once wrote - Brevity is the soul of wit. Little did he know while writing Hamlet that this would indeed be personified in the art of writing several years thence! So brace yourselves for the one paragraph short story in the future. I sure don't think I can write those!! (My blog is a testimony to that :) )

Bow down or bow out?

Today's post is a story.

There was once a country that had been colonized by certain powers-that-be. These powers-that-be felt glorified by their power to make the country bow to their wishes. The country was primarily agrarian and the harvests were typically very lucrative in open markets. And historically the colonizer had reaped profits from these harvests. Throughout the year, they'd send their representatives to come and check on the people, regularly, and try to teach them the right ways of farming. But to ensure that the people adhered to their code of conduct of genuflecting to them, they used brute force. Novel methods of forcing people were employed and out of fear, the country bowed low.

As time progressed, however, these powers-that-be were told that brute force was no longer in vogue and that subtlety was more respected, they backed off from their obtrusive, blatantly arm twisting tactics of exercising control to something more discrete. They decided to exercise control only in the harvesting season. by trying to build a pecking order story around themselves when it came to harvests. Yes, markets were free. Yes, farmers were allowed to sell their produce in open markets and the best produce got the best price, regardless of the buyer. All these rules applied in a weird twisted Henry Ford way (Remember - you get the choice of all colors as long as it is black?) So, the rule was that the colonizer would get right of way, at their prices and their whims on the produce. Once their granaries and coffers were full, the remaining produce could be sold off to the market, if any. All other market players were expected to wait for the colonizer to finish so that they could get their scrapings. And wait they did, for if they did not wait, they didn't get any produce. And yes, people knew that what the colonizer was doing was wrong and completely against normal economic theory. Those who did not agree to this plan - well, no one disagreed. Like I said, they bowed low, out of plain fear.

Over the years, they genuflected. When asked why, they said that the rains were undependable. It rained one year resulting in a bounty and was dry in the next, resulting in a failure. No open market would promise to buy produce when cyclical characteristics were so haphazard each year, and when uncertainties allowed no projections to ever be correct.

"But what about being cheated in years when you have a great crop and the market is willing to pay you more?", someone asked.

"Well, let's say that loss is the price we pay for security in down years", a farmer replied. "Besides, majority of the people here don't get wonderful crops. They get average harvests and average harvests typically get average prices in the open market. At least selling to the colonizer adds some snob value, if not anything else. So, people are very keen only to sell to the colonizer, and they bee-line up to the colonizer's granaries to offload their produce and get their money. So the country has decreed that we would sell to no one else but the colonizer and unless he gives us permission, we won't visit the open market. "

But one farmer (Mr X) was different. He consistently grew a good crop every year and felt himself stifled by the country's policies. He felt that arm twisting and pressure tactics served no one any good and that free markets by and far were the most efficient means to ensure profit for hard work. So, he decided one day, not to bow down to the colonizer. Everyone expected him to face the ire of the collection agents, with probable bloodshed. They sat glued to the TV watching what the news covered about the talks between this farmer and the colonizer. The dialogues went on for a while that seemed like eternity! The colonizer began to get agitated. They threatened to boycott the farmer forever. They threatened never to support him in case he had a crop failure. The farmer looked upon all of this calmly. And with a mild smile said, " Do your worst. I believe in myself and my skills. My losing you, would be your loss and not mine. But if you are so insecure about yourself, such that you need to frighten people to get your way, since you feel that other buyers in the open market will manage to get a better deal, I suggest, that you take a vacation and introspect on what you need to change about your image. Maybe you need a downward revision in your perception rating, and that would bring your true core and your perceived core on par. Maybe I am wrong, and you do have a stellar image on par with strong core values. Allow the farmers to then take a decision, based on what they value. As for me, rusticate me if you will, for I will, no matter what you do, go to the market."

So saying, he left the negotiation table, went to the open market with his produce and got double of what he had cumulatively received over all the past years. Feeling cheated, and knowing that X's precedent was on their side, several other farmers who had confidence in themselves ventured into the open market, despite threats from the colonizer. The trickle converted to a cascade as people realized the hollowness of the threats and the lack of core values in the colonizer. Eventually, prosperity prevailed and everybody lived happily ever after.

So, when forced to bow, everyone has a choice. Not everyone chooses not to bow, since they perhaps feel insecure about the unknown future, that could come about, if they did not bow. But as they say, fortune favors the brave and blaming country policies for genuflection, are unfounded claims! You always have a choice of whether to bow down or bow out.

The Perfectionist

The Perfectionist. Someone who needs everything in the right place in the right way. Someone who will never rest until a job taken is well, PERFECT. I am sure almost all of us would have had a chance of meeting someone that suits that description. Some like such people, but a majority detest them. Reason, perfectionists can be exacting, very demanding just in order to achieve that perfect result. Some even use the terms 'perfectionist' and 'control freak' interchangeably. The perfectionist wants the perfect color in a painting, the perfect font in a presentation, the perfect report, the perfect everything. As long as THEY put in all the effort to achieve that, it's fine. But the minute they expect everyone else, who is really not interested in achieving that level of perfection, to go the extra 1000 miles, they get the epithet of being a control freak. And when that transformation happens, it is not a very nice place to be in!

But then I thought about this from the perspective of the perfectionist! I really wouldn't hold them to be really bad and mean. They are just driven by that deep desire to be the best. Which is not really wrong. And trust me, it is not easy being perfectionist. They end up shouldering responsibility for portions of a project that perhaps is wayyyyyy beyond their control. They end up pushing themselves over the limit to achieve that end. Now, the harmless variety of perfectionists who do not make life hell for everyone around is someone to be looked up to. Aamir Khan holds that title in the Indian film industry. And his is actually a case in point. Almost all of his movies are raging successes. And the effort he puts into each work of art is palpable in the end result. Be it the emotion, the narrative or even performing that intense workout for a role that is supposed to catch your attention for 3 hrs! It is tough.

Take for instance a perfectionist in a project. He/She not only works his/her part, but also goes through the whole to ensure the end result is up to expectations. Not only is this is a huge time commitment, that involves probable juggling of other key tasks and activities, but is also a huge center of stress, if the interim outcome is not satisfactory. They then push themselves to tie up the loose ends and bring the work up to mark. Imagine their plight, if for the failure of someone else, the whole work ends up bringing in sub-optimal results. They'd end up feeling cheated. But the chronic perfectionists never give up. They are psychologically bound to pushing for perfection. They somehow can never slack off. They feel inadequate if they are not perennially glossing over some aspect of the work at hand. And given that more often than not, they end up achieving their desired results, they don't mind the extra mile of effort. In fact, they are wary about losing the desired result, in case they don't put in that kind of effort.

So, is being a perfectionist a good thing? Well, I really don't know. But my guess is, as long as you don't kill someone else's happiness, while achieving super normal success, it is fine. What say?

Thinking too much

I do that all the time. That's why my blog's called 'Thought Center'. I read between the lines. In fact I read only between the lines, allowing my wild and vivid imagination to think up things that perhaps are so convoluted that only a martian could conjure up such tactics! Nevertheless, what I've noticed with people is that this 'overthink' results in a certain idea or viewpoint. And this viewpoint then becomes a religion. A religion that has to be protected at all costs. Guarded and upheld with one's life. The viewpoint then becomes so deeply ingrained that one could perhaps go out with their swords and off with the opponent's head! The viewpoint becomes one with the viewpoint holder and an opposition to the viewpoint then becomes a direct affront to the individual. And this can be harsh!

I remember one of my favorite profs once mentioning - 'In marketing people would tell you to go where no one has ever gone before. But stop to think whether no one has gone there before because there is a strong enough reason to not go there ever!' Yet another one of my fave profs said, "stop thinking beyond what is necessary. If there is a question, it is a plain question, set with the intention of exacting a straight answer. Contrary to what you may think, I get no pleasure by playing trick or treat with you guys!" So overthinking clearly is treading where no one has ever gone before and no one has gone there before because the place (in this case scenario I am imagining) is just a figment of my imagination! And imagining improbable what-if scenarios is akin to trick-or-treating! Besides, the strong adherence to a viewpoint, also reinforces a form of confirmation trap. I have an idea that I believe in. You present a contrary viewpoint, but I reject it since I am looking to prove my point. Any disconfirming evidence is actually not paid attention to! I just want to pick and choose information that buttresses my viewpoint!

So moral of the story - it does not pay to think too much. No matter how much one tries to second guess another human being or try to comprehend what is happening inside that person's black box called brain, the margin of error in the prediction is still going to be 50%. Since at the end of the day, unpredictability thy name is mankind! So don't ever waste time thinking and overthinking something. Some things are best tackled by rules of thumb and Bayesian probability!!!

When belief becomes an obsession

Today in a consumer behavior class, we studied the case of TiVo, the first entrant in smart television. The first player who brought in the concept of rewind, pause, record, fast forward live TV. The first player who wished to put control of what the consumer saw on TV into the customer's hands. The TATA SKYs of the west if you will? The first player who actually failed to capitalize on the first mover advantage, due to some strategic errors. The first player who failed to capture significant market share despite a brilliant idea.

One of the beauties of a class like consumer behavior is the fact that it ties in the psychology of a consumer into the science of marketing. Something as intangible as a consumer's thought process is deciphered and converted into something that can be used by firms to tactically reach the consumer. So we studied why TiVo went wrong. And the result lay in the fact that despite having a sterling idea, they looked at the idea as techies. They understood the idea and they expected the world to get it too! "D-uh!!", they said. They were overpriced, as was seen with newer players soon came out with products at half their rates, with a few lesser feature. But TiVo never took an effort to find out whether the features they were providing warranted such a premium over competition - or whether the consumer really cared for those features. It's more like giving me a pen that can sing and charging a bomb for it, without finding out whether I as a consumer want a singing pen! I perhaps just want a pen to write and care two hoots about the singing thing!

Again, why did they do that? Well, their belief that they had a phenomenal product turned into an obsession. They felt it was the best thing to happen to mankind after sliced bread, and so, were unwilling to look at a customer's viewpoint, and engage in activities that would draw the consumer. They simply made the consumer laugh - using humor in their ads and then very condescendingly said - go find out the rest on our website. All this for a product that cost a lot - a TV enhancer costing almost as much as a TV. All this when the customer has not yet understood the concept.

So, apart from a marketing lesson, I liked this story because it gave me another perspective. Belief and self-belief are good. They are brilliant when it comes to boosting one's confidence. But one should never let one's beliefs cloud good sense and judgement. I can't help but allude to Satyajit Ray's Jalsaghar, where the protagonist - a once-upon-a-time-rich man spends his every last penny to put on a show of pomp and prosperity, till he finally collapses literally and metaphorically to his inability to sustain that image. So, every once in a while, one must really step back from the cheers and adulation, and see whether the praises and positive comments coming in are true and meaningful. Every once in a while, one must look at one's set of beliefs and cull out the ones based on senseless reasons. Change is what is permanent, and the more nimble we are, the more longer can we sustain.

How much is too much?

They say that a sinking ship exposes the rats on board. Likewise, it takes a crisis to expose fraudsters and unethical entities who thrive on a system while it flourishes. So the Madoffs, Rajus, Kenneth Lays and Thains of the world come into the open only when the system is drained of all the water that had been providing refuge to their unethical activities for so long. Almost all of us know what ethics are all about. Soon after the financial crisis began, people raised a finger against B schools, saying that a code of ethics is missing amongst the current breed of profit-seeking, dollar-hungry set of B school products. And so, most big B schools embarked on a mission to rethink their offerings to prevent unethical entities from entering the system.

Yes, schools do have a role to play in shaping individuals. That is why we had penalties in school for cheating on an exam. That is why we had harsh punishments for cheating in sport at school. But all humans are presumed rational, and we all know the distinction between right and wrong. A school can give us a code of ethics but internalizing it and making the distinction between what is acceptable and what is not, is a confluence of the ethics code and our own ethical appetite. We all wenr in arms when we heard about the fraud committed by Ramalinga Raju. We all watched with disgust as the crookedness of Bernie Madoff came into the open. We exclaimed how brazenly unethical their acts were as the swindled millions and millions of dollars. These were huge transgressions. But think of this. You break a traffic signal, and the cop stops you. How many times have you given a bribe just to get out of the situation fast? Why? Isn't bribery a form of corruption? And isn't corruption unethical? But then, this was a minor transgression, and a small bribe never killed or hurt anybody, right?

But who is to decide what is major and what is minor? And how difficult is it to make the move from good to bad, like the transformation of Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader? Another point to ponder is that what am I to do if everyone around me is involved in an unethical practice, to book gains? By being ethical, I clearly end up losing. So, should I adopt the rational approach of maximizing my economic value or should I revert to the conscientious approach and believe in a cosmic justice and be satisfied with my being able to sleep peacefully at night, my losses notwithstanding?

I definitely do not have the right or wrong answers to these points. Because actually these are all decisions steeped in shades of gray. At the end of the day, it is a weighted average of your basket of priorities and only you are the judge of the weights to be accorded to each priority to come to a decision metric. The only argument I have is that quick gains are seldom ever sustainable and for me personally a spiky chart is worth much less than a steady level of success and satisfaction.

Quirky human nature

Almost every self help book tells you to live in the present moment. The Art of Living teaches us that, Vedanta teaches us that, good sense teaches us that. But yet, there is a deep tendency for the human psyche to hing on to the past. We call this nostalgia and many a time, we revel in it!

It's time for the Marketing Conclave here at ISB and as a promotion strategy for the event, the club guys are playing age old ads to show how brands have evolved. So some names are - Gold Spot - the ad with the typical 70s look people on roller blades, motor bikes and singing - Gooold Spot, the zing thing... Gold Spot! And then we have the Lehar Pepsi ad - with Remo Fernandes (who was a huge rage back then), singing - 'Are you ready for the magic?' Then we have the Nirma Ad - which hasn't changed its tune in all these years - the Hema, Rekha, Jaya aur Sushma continue, their faces have changed, but they still remain. All these triggered a wave of thought in my head. I went back down memory lane to the ads of those days. Think - Lalitaji. Then there was the 'O ho Deepikaji' for the 'Nirma Super Neeli Detergent Tikiya!' And then we had the quintessential Cadbury ads, with 'Kya Swaad hai Zindagi mein'. Oh and how can I forget 'Vicco Turmeric, nahin Cosmetic' or 'Vajradanti, Vajradanti Vicco Vajradanti'. We had ads that were downright tacky to absolutely fantastic!

But do we look down upon the ads of those days? The answer is a resounding NO! They remind me of the innocence of the time back then, where a brand was never really endorsed by celebrity powerhouses! Cadbury's had everyday people dancing on cricket fields celebrating a century. Raymond's and Digjam had nattily dressed men - well, not being 'complete men' or playing soccer with kids and then heading off to board meetings, but rather just being nattily dressed men. A Pepsi ad just had a catchy jingle, no allusion to the uber cool urban man fighting another for 'MyCan'. At least for me, they are my link to the past, my link to the guileless days. They take me back to innocent childhood. They remind me of the days spent playing in the space around our apartment blocks (back then, we used to call them just building) and then coming home to see some random thing on TV, while concentrating on these advertisement interludes. They remind me of Ad competitions in school, where we'd enact these ads on stage in a highly looked-forward-to session on Friday evenings called SCA (Social and Cultural Activities).

As archaic as they may seem, these simple, quasi rustic ads actually bring a smile on to our faces. We have evolved as a civilization, we have travelled, seen the world outside. We have liberalized, internalized the ways of the western world. But at the core, our desigiri still stands out and at some point of time, we really feel happy thinking back about our comfort zone. So, some may say that living in the past is wrong, dwelling in the past is insane. But for me, the hues of memory lane are inviting and soothing and are my refuge from the throes of the madding world.

Every success needs a failure

A while ago I wrote a piece on 'Bittersweet Success' - talking about the sweet taste of success and the even sweeter taste of courage needed to face failure. Numerous works have been dedicated to the beauty of the former, while stories of failure are almost always relegated to the dusty back corners of the world. After all, no one really wants to hear stories of people who set ideals and ended up losing the boat somewhere.

But I feel that failure perhaps is almost as important as success. Not just for one to be able to realize how beautiful success is, but also to realize how important some other attributes are in order to be truly successful. Success cannot be measured only by a metric of 'got what I set out to get'. Success is an all - round feeling. One that begins with an accomplished task list and ends with a count of the number of people left smiling in a room after you leave. Unfortunately, many a time, those who achieve the first part of the definition of success, end up devastating part 2. Arrogance, pride and a degree of 'I am superior' take over and in the eyes of others, these attributes overshadow the accomplishments one may boast of. People's backs are very poor stepping stones. A position reached by treading on the heads and necks of others almost always rests on a very shaky foundation. But in the heady feeling that goes with steamrolling success, people almost never seem to care.

It is here that a small failure can help. It can teach people what it feels like to be on the receiving side of arrogance, pride and the 'I am superior' attitude. And just like how success is addictive and habitual success is a trait that one wishes to hold on to forever, a taste of being on the receiving end stays with people forever, and it manages to temper down spiky success and mould really successful people.

A rural jaunt : some reflections

They say 'Opposites Attract'. I agree. Two entities in stark opposition to one another attract me to observe them. Take for instance rural and urban life. Urban life is so very different from rural life, that it almost appears to be a microcosm of species and behaviors that are unique in themselves. And living an unadulterated urban life, makes one forget some of the finer aspects that are almost second nature to those who live in pristine rural areas. And if we happen to take a break from our urban rat race and try to take a sneak peek into a bucolic life, we notice so many beautiful aspects that almost get us all reflective! A few of my observations after a recent taste of rural flavors! (This is an actual picture I took at Chillapur near Miriyalaguda, in Andhra Pradesh)

• It is possible for the total number of people around you at a market place, to be equal to the total population of the village.
• It is possible for the only sound I hear to be the sound of my own voice.
• It is perfectly normal to have electricity for just half a day - evenings and nights alone and still be happy in the sweltering heat
• It is possible for the lives of all people known to me to revolve around farmlands and rainfall
• It is normal for kids to come home from school and not toss their bags on the bed and demand something to eat, but rather to pick up a pitcher and trudge along to a river bank to get water for the household - all the time bearing a smile on their faces.
• Every human being is treated with immense respect, no matter who they may be. An offering of water and tea to random visitors is almost taken for granted. In fact you ought to be surprised if such an offering were not to come through to you.
• Every 'position holder' is treated with awe. For an outside observer, the position may not have much bearing in the greater scheme of things, but for the people around, such 'position holders' are BIG PEOPLE!

But one similarity between the urban and rural people is the stress on personal satisfaction before looking to the welfare of others. The basic nature of using personal power if any to appropriate available resources to oneself, while being aware that such appropriation is completely against the so-called 'equitable distribution' of resources seems to be a trend that exists across people, irrespective of their station in life! Call it human nature or call it a habit that emanates from the lack of sufficient resources - I'd prefer to call it the latter, because then at least we have some hope to perhaps improve, and given that Hope wins Nobel Prizes (case in point - Mr Barack Obama), who knows, one day we can have a society where everyone is equally happy!